10 September 2009

Jealousy

I recently discovered that I, while drawing, feel bad about myself if
I make the people I paint beautiful. I guess it has to do with my self-confidence.
Because if I paint the people beautifuler then me, (which is rather easy) I just wish I would have been them instead of being the creator of them.
But I also want the painting to look beautiful when it's done. I want to feel satisfied with it in the end, but how can I, if I feel bad about myself while watching it, while thinking it's a beauitful painting? I suppose I'm just a very jealous person. Which is very sad.
And it is hard, being jealous at creatures that don't even exists.

Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I find it very hard to paint/draw nowadays,
I love to do it but it takes a lot from me, and I'm always exhaustead afterwards.
And I don't think that it is supposed to be like that.
I've always felt the jealousy, but I never felt like this.






"Have you ever felt like that? When you just couldn't
feel anything and you didn't want to either."


6 comments:

  1. Grymt bra låt... Iggy Pop är underbar, och Mogwai också.

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  2. Jag är inte en inbiten Iggy-fan, inte över huvud taget men jag tycker inte illa om honom heller. Det han säger i den här låten har mycket av värde

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  3. when i browsing on your blog, i remembered some songs.. maybe you'll like..

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crU12sgcrfU

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOGLJWn2pfw&feature=related

    and the last one is in my language and it is my favourite: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CghOcbxDPOQ

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  4. and so first and second songs from norrda.
    Norrda takes their name from the Swedish word “nor”, meaning “north”. :)turkish and swedish band..

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  5. I understand what you're saying, I feel exactly the same way when I try to complete short-stories nowadays. I just doesn't work. I envy characters in books.
    Maybe that has something to do with my family, I'm the oldest kid, my brother is six years younger than me. So while growing up, I had the lonely-child's manners of talking to imaginary friends (in my head mostly) & making up stories where I had the leading part. Later on, it developed into that I tried to be like certain characters from books I read, e.g. I remember a period where I pretended to be "Guldlock" & refused to eat anything except porridge.
    I still tend to do that, pretend that I'm a fictional character, or steal some of their habits & claim that they're mine.
    Oh well, this was an awful long comment. I just wanted to tell you that I understand, it's not easy.

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  6. Nog för att du målar fint. Men tyvärr (?) så är du mycket vackrare. Utan tvekan!

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The definition of madness