10 September 2009


I recently discovered that I, while drawing, feel bad about myself if
I make the people I paint beautiful. I guess it has to do with my self-confidence.
Because if I paint the people beautifuler then me, (which is rather easy) I just wish I would have been them instead of being the creator of them.
But I also want the painting to look beautiful when it's done. I want to feel satisfied with it in the end, but how can I, if I feel bad about myself while watching it, while thinking it's a beauitful painting? I suppose I'm just a very jealous person. Which is very sad.
And it is hard, being jealous at creatures that don't even exists.

Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I find it very hard to paint/draw nowadays,
I love to do it but it takes a lot from me, and I'm always exhaustead afterwards.
And I don't think that it is supposed to be like that.
I've always felt the jealousy, but I never felt like this.

"Have you ever felt like that? When you just couldn't
feel anything and you didn't want to either."


  1. Grymt bra låt... Iggy Pop är underbar, och Mogwai också.

  2. Jag är inte en inbiten Iggy-fan, inte över huvud taget men jag tycker inte illa om honom heller. Det han säger i den här låten har mycket av värde

  3. when i browsing on your blog, i remembered some songs.. maybe you'll like..



    and the last one is in my language and it is my favourite: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CghOcbxDPOQ

  4. and so first and second songs from norrda.
    Norrda takes their name from the Swedish word “nor”, meaning “north”. :)turkish and swedish band..

  5. I understand what you're saying, I feel exactly the same way when I try to complete short-stories nowadays. I just doesn't work. I envy characters in books.
    Maybe that has something to do with my family, I'm the oldest kid, my brother is six years younger than me. So while growing up, I had the lonely-child's manners of talking to imaginary friends (in my head mostly) & making up stories where I had the leading part. Later on, it developed into that I tried to be like certain characters from books I read, e.g. I remember a period where I pretended to be "Guldlock" & refused to eat anything except porridge.
    I still tend to do that, pretend that I'm a fictional character, or steal some of their habits & claim that they're mine.
    Oh well, this was an awful long comment. I just wanted to tell you that I understand, it's not easy.

  6. Nog för att du målar fint. Men tyvärr (?) så är du mycket vackrare. Utan tvekan!


The definition of madness