I recently discovered that I, while drawing, feel bad about myself if
I make the people I paint beautiful. I guess it has to do with my self-confidence.
Because if I paint the people beautifuler then me, (which is rather easy) I just wish I would have been them instead of being the creator of them.
But I also want the painting to look beautiful when it's done. I want to feel satisfied with it in the end, but how can I, if I feel bad about myself while watching it, while thinking it's a beauitful painting? I suppose I'm just a very jealous person. Which is very sad.
And it is hard, being jealous at creatures that don't even exists.
Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I find it very hard to paint/draw nowadays,
I love to do it but it takes a lot from me, and I'm always exhaustead afterwards.
And I don't think that it is supposed to be like that.
I've always felt the jealousy, but I never felt like this.
"Have you ever felt like that? When you just couldn't
feel anything and you didn't want to either."