24 January 2010


Lisa, Tony Hawk, one of my favorite bright-eyes-albums, a bowl of - not oranges but - chocolat, and cider from Ica in wine-glasses.

I used to practice smiling and crying in front of a mirror in our bathroom, I laughed and then I cried and mixed it while having monologues It wasn't easy to crawl up on the bench, but once I came up there, I started my one-man-theatre in front of the mirror. Sometimes, when I was lonely, I could even turn the play into a musical. But I didn't enjoy that as much. The difference between smiling and crying in front of a mirror - is that you normally smile when you walk away from your reflection, because you're always prepared to smile when you're leaving, and you also want to know that it looks good. But you never practice crying - you're never prepared of crying. That usually comes very suddenly and unexpected. Now I don't remember that I practiced crying because I wanted to look good while doing it - I doubt that - maybe I thought there was something more fascinating about seeing myself - drowned in tears. (made-up-tears from the tap) But I do remember enjoying it - and enjoying it made me feel upset and confused about myself.


  1. Åh mitt hjärta jag hoppas verkligen att du inte behöver gråta det minsta. Det är trist att vara hjärt-ledsen iallafall! Men det kanske handlar om känslan frånkopplad själva företeelsen tårar här? Jag skänker dig alla mina senaste månadens tårar i present ;-)


The definition of madness